I recently read an article in a well known, popular men's magazine (which I normally really like), but one of the shorts (one page articles) made me want to puke. It was on women's secret sex thoughts and what men should do about them. OK, I'm all about making sure everything works out the way it's supposed to and everyone walks away happy, but I have to comment on some of the drivel I saw in this short.
QUOTES ARE PARAPHRASED
1) "I wish he'd finish already."
Um...Hello? Say something to clue us in on this. The only reason a guy goes for the long haul on a specific run is because he thinks it's what you want. If all you want is to get down and get some, then just say so, we'll finish any time.
2) "I think I forgot to shave my legs."
OK, that happens, but the "expert's" response is that men should act as if they don't care and that acting as if it's a big deal will make it worse for both involved. Look, Mr. "I don't ever get any so I'll sleep with a gorilla," if she didn't shave her legs there's a good chance he will get rugburn on his inner thigh. If it's a onetime thing it won't matter because unless she's making a run for "hippie of the month," he probably won't notice, but telling her it's "ok" to forget to shave welcomes it to happen again. When it's ok for him to get hammered every night with his friends, get ridiculously fat, lose his job so he can't support whatever she's spending his money on, and she doesn't care, then she can slide once in a while.
3) "I want to be uninhibited, take control, and use toys."
The "expert" suggests he read her mind and based on cues figure it out. That would be like putting together a 1000 piece puzzle of a cloudless sky. Uninhibited, taking control, use of toys ... these are good things, provided the toys are for her.
4) "There are times when I think I still have to do the dishes when we're done.
Two things here. First, why didn't you do the dishes earlier? Second, if the guy brought up stock prices or the score of the football game in the middle of sex there would be hell to pay. This is not ok for him, it's not ok for her.
...and I think perhaps my personal favorite:
5) "Sometimes I can't help but compare him to my ex."
The expert here suggests that maybe she even fantasizes, or is conflicted, and it just happens. Oh, ok. So if he gets caught watching porn can he use the excuse that he's just "conflicted?" Let me just ask one simple question. What would happen if he compared her to his ex?
I understand the purpose of the article, but I also understand that a relationship that is solely based on sex isn't going to last very long and it's definitely not going anywhere. If the relationship is going to last, it's going to be based on communication and trust. Along with that comes the ability to talk to one's partner about what they want. OK, fine, once in a blue moon you think about something outside what's going on in the bedroom. If it happens once in a while, you're normal. If it happens all the time, you've got a problem.
So, make sure you shave your legs, act like a wild woman, get the dishes done, and keep your inappropriate thoughts to yourself. We figured out how to do it, in the world of "equal rights," you need to figure it out too. If you can't, stop shaving your legs and move to Berkeley.
I received a check from Wells Fargo today for four cents ... this is getting framed and put on my wall.
I just watched a movie with a pretty strange name ... "The World's Fastest Indian." It took a long time to finally get around to watching it, about four years ... don't wait that long.
If you liked Rocky, see this movie.
If you ride motorcycles, you'll love this movie.
If you love speed, or land speed records, trust me, see it.
If you ever had a dream, watch this movie.
You won't be disappointed.
Why is it so hard to get over lost loves?
It's pretty simple really.
When you really love someone, you know that making them happy is the right thing to do. You know that when you give everything you can to that person you are doing a good thing. It doesn’t mean it’s the only way to your own happiness, you just know that doing things for that person makes you feel good.
Is anything else in life is so absolute?
Then it ends, and you lose that one thing you know is right.
So who is it that wonders why we can't get over it?
I have a mini fridge in my office. Because of the recent economic downturn, the higher ups came up with a way to save on energy costs...everyone has to remove their mini fridge.
OK, not a big deal, until one considers that with morale low all this is going to do is piss people off, so I came up with a suggestion. My fridge, according to the usage chart and cost of maintaining it, costs the company $34/year.
I suggested that everyone be given the option, pay $100/year for use of the mini fridge, or give it up entirely. OK, it wouldn't save energy, but if the real objective is to make up a $20,000 energy shortfall then my plan actually puts $66 into the company's pocket. The "luxury" of a fridge in my office is worth the $66. Plus, it gives people the option. The company would actually make money.
The response? No.
Let's go ahead and remove the fridges (thereby unnecessarily pissing people off), then, when people get upset they can collaborate and come up with a solution, perhaps the solution will be the $100. Perhaps it won't.
WTF? Really? When that decision is finally made a year or two from now people will still be pissed off because they lost their fridges in the first place. But we want the solution to be collaborative, so, let's piss everyone off for no reason when a solution already exists that benefits everybody. Don't we have better things to do than this? There is such a thing as common sense. Everything does not have to be a collaborative effort. Granted, I'm writing about it right now, but writing a $100 check would take a hell of a lot less time than sitting in a meeting to solve the "fridge problem."
I take my dog to the local middle school. The track is fenced in, it's old grass, and I clean up after him. Having no yard to speak of, it allows him to run around off the leash. This is important as he's only seven months old.
Yesterday, we were chasing the ball around, and he's generally pretty good about fetching, and an older guy showed up. JJ (my dog), saw him, and he was off in the distance and his dog was smaller and on a leash, so we paid no attention to him. He started walking in our direction. JJ noticed again and started running over toward him.
It took me about two seconds to realize that this guy's "little dog" wasn't a dog at all, but rather a cat, which proceeded to crawl up the guy's back and sat on his shoulder. He yelled at me, "Get your animal under control!"
I walked over, tried to catch him, but he's a puppy and my chasing him is a fun game. What does the guy do? Starts walking away...and JJ follows, so I can't really catch him. He yells again, "Why isn't your dog on a leash, he's out of control!"
I said, "He's a puppy."
He replied, "So is mine."
I said, "You have your cat on a leash."
What the hell? Anyway, no harm, no foul, we left old grumpy moron-man who walks his cat on a leash to himself.
Seriously, if you want a pet you have to leash, get a dog, otherwise, enjoy your low maintenance animal and leave those of us that need a fence alone.
I own a condo. Not a huge condo, just a regular condo in what would probably be considered the suburbs. I bought the condo as a risk, right before the US economy crashed, knowing that as long as the economy didn't crash, I could refinance in a few years or sell the place and make some money. No harm, no foul.
Well, the economy crashed, now I'm significantly in the hole. The good news is interest rates are extremely low. The bad news is I have a first and a second loan, and no one will touch me for a refinance. Despite a good job, good income, and a decent credit rating, I can't find a lender. I have spent the last two months on the phone looking. I even got Bank of America, the current holder of my loan, to hang up on me.
I can still make the payments, but I'm not saving anything, and eight years from now when the variable rate kicks in, there will be no way for me to pay my mortgage, I'll have to walk away, and my credit will be screwed for the next seven years. Gee, yippy, skippy. So, 15 years from now I might be ok. There is another, not appealing but better option, walk away now.
Look at it this way. Between what I pay for my mortgage and what I would pay in rent is about 2000 (that's after fixing my taxes so I don't owe anything). Take that $2000/month, bank 1500 of it (keep 500 for "luxuries" like taking people out or going away for the weekend), and after 7 years, when my credit rating comes back to life, I have $105,000 in the bank, and decent credit. The alternative in seven years? Stay here, have 0$ and a poor credit rating.
The problem? I have to walk away from my obligation to pay the loan. I am not happy with this choice, but considering I've tried for a little over two months now to get anyone to TALK to me about it, it seems like the only reasonable option. So, I hired a lawyer, and I no longer have to deal with the bank at all, but I have to stop making payments ... which will happen as of August 1.
So ... as of August 1, I will be in harm's way. But honestly, worst case scenario is I lose my condo and have bad credit with the potential for a new home in seven years. I've simply sped up time without time moving any faster. Normally I would feel badly about this, I do not, in the slightest, feel guilty at all.
I'll keep everyone posted when the bank starts to get angry that I've taken their dick out of my ass.